The Jumbo Compendium 5-In-1 Bumper Dungeon Fun Pack!

Jason Mills June '99

3. The Kare Bears Dungeon

Introduction

On leaving the elevator, the delvers find themselves in a large open area in which several groups of adventurers are talking to Kare Bears. The famous bears are 3'-4' tall and each has a different colour of fur. Here and there are more bears, playing, dancing, waving from the trees - for the area is surrounded by dense woods.

A sky-blue bear clutching a wad of papers waddles over and introduces herself: "Hello, children! My name is Fluffy Sky-Blue Emily and I'd like to welcome you to the famous land of the Kare Bears! Oh my, but what a day you've chosen to visit us! It is Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine's birthday and there is to be a big party at the Castle - you can come too! But oh, what's this? Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine has been kidnapped by the nasty Witch Hecate because she wasn't invited to the party. Oh, if only Witch Hecate knew that she was invited, but the invitation was sent to the wrong address! Perhaps then she would release Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine - if she was in a good mood, that is. But wait - I have an idea! Perhaps you could take a message to Witch Hecate on your way to the Castle! You could rescue the Princess at the same time! Will you do it, children? Oh, please say yes!"

This is delivered with barely concealed boredom. She waits disinterestedly until someone says yes, then gives an unenthusiastic thank you, hands the delvers their Souvenir Guide (print this out and give it to the players) and points to the path leading from the clearing. "That way. Please keep to the path."

Anyone making an L5SR on IQ during this develops a nagging feeling of there being something odd about that bear.

General Notes

The delvers will quickly - make that slowly - discover that each "Rest Point" is in fact a turnstile with a sign beside it (dish out as appropriate) and a torch burning, usually with a dark red flame. When the flame turns green, the turnstile lets one party of delvers through. Consequently, there are dozens of people standing at each, and the queues get longer as the path goes on. There are wailing, impatient children in many of the groups who, being bored, make a nuisance of themselves. (Presumably this theme-park dungeonlet is open to families as well as beefy warriors and wizards.) Since there are no barriers apart from the turnstiles themselves, and no apparent impediment to nipping through the woods, the delvers will probably begin queue-jumping before too long. They will probably travel in straight lines between each attraction and the next and are therefore almost certain to encounter the 'hidden' attractions in the appropriate order. These concealed areas are described in expected order of encounter.

Travelling through the woods is quicker and more interesting than following the path, but still somewhat awkward, as the vegetation is quite dense and all the trees are the thick, bulbous kind that you expect to see an animated face on. The journey between attractions will generally take a couple of turns; each turn, there is a 1 in 6 chance of meeting the NQJ ogre. NQJ (No Queue-Jumpers) has an MR of 400, but will attempt to intimidate rather than attack the delvers. He's like a big, ugly, barely comprehensible caretaker, though he will fight if attacked, being belligerent by nature. Once he's sent the delvers back to the path, he'll watch for a minute but soon lose sight of them in the trees. However, he'll have his eye out for them thereafter and the chance of meeting him rises to 1in 5, and so on with each encounter. On the third and subsequent encounters, or if the delvers are near the Compound, he will automatically attack. There is a 1 in 3 chance that NQJ may be carrying the Compound key, but he will always try to escape if the fight turns against him. This is up to the delvers - he's certainly no faster than them.

Occasionally the delvers may glimpse a real, wild Kare Bear that wasn't captured. They may be able to identify such a bear, but will never be able to get close to one - it will, understandably, scarper. (It won't be friggin' pink either.)

Frog's Shed

This is the stores and rest-up room for the 'frog'. It's a little hut with one window and door, one table and chair, one bottle of spirits and one trunk. There's also a pair of boots and some outer garments, hanging over the back of the chair. These are all small - say, hobbit sized. If(!) the delvers look in the trunk, they will find boxes and boxes of golden balls - but, though worth a few GP each, they aren't in any way magical (as yet). A vague path leads to...

Ye Olde Well

Here the customers are greeted by a huge frog, fully 3' high, squatting by a rustic well. He jumps first into his spiel, and then into the well. Spiel: "Hello, children! Are you going to Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine's birthday party at the Castle?" [NB. He pretty much ignores any responses he gets, being bored and exhausted.] "Everybody's very excited! I'm afraid I can't go myself as I'll be tadpole-sitting. What a shame! But never mind, I am a happy frog, and I like to sit in my nice cool well! Oh! That reminds me! When the Princess was playing here yesterday, she dropped her golden ball into my well! I believe it protects Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine from evil magic, so it's very important that you get it back to her before nasty Witch Hecate hears about it! What's that you say? Nasty Witch Hecate has kidnapped the Princess? Oh heavens! Well in that case it's even more important that the Princess gets her ball back. Will you take it to her for me? It may help you to rescue her. Oh thank you! Hold on, I'll just get it!"

He hops into the well with a loud splash and then clambers out in a soggy, most unfroglike manner, clutching a golden ball in one, uh, foot. He walks over to the customers on his hind legs mumbling unintelligible curses, plops the ball in the hand of the nearest person and plods back to squat by the well. Show's over.

Closer investigation will reveal a pedal behind the well which controls the gas flow through the turnstile torch, making it burn red or green. There is a similar device at each attraction. The 'frog' is prone to leave it on red for 5 minutes while he wanders off to his hut for a swig of the hard stuff, and who can blame him? The well-water is enchanted: when the golden balls (specially made to be receptive to its properties) are immersed in it, they each acquire the ability to nullify the effect of one particular offensive spell forever. (Choose randomly from the Spell Book.) The frog just empties a box of sixty in whenever he's running low.

Again, an L5SR (L4 for anyone who made the first one in the introductory section) on IQ will produce a sensation of oddness. These naggings will resolve themselves when the delvers see the next attraction, if not before...

The Cleaners' Hut

A little hut like the frog's, with two chairs, a copper kettle and some tea, a tiny fireplace, a bottle of medicinal brandy and any amount of mops, buckets, cleaning fluids, etc. A little stream runs outside.

Rita and Maureen, true 'Kare Bears' - native fauna, that is - are slouched in the chair smokin' fags an' 'avin' a cuppa. They are both plump brown bears about 4' high, not in the least bit cute, wearing turquoise overall macs. Rita has a headscarf. They will be very uncertain how to deal with the delvers and will begin by making half-hearted injunctions for them to return to the path. "Bloody tourists," Maureen may be heard to mutter, only to be rebuked by Rita: "Ar Maureen, you'll 'av us in trouble, you will."

Anyone who made observational SRs earlier will now suss what was wrong with the other denizens of the wood they've met: they creased at the knees! Indeed, thinking about it, one could have sworn one glimpsed a grumpy hobbit face peering out from inside the mouth of the giant 'frog'. They're costumes!

As well as grumbling about the mess the tourists make, Rita and (especially) Maureen will, if pressed, complain about the Quikpiss business itself and what it's done to the woods. They will be especially loquacious if plied with booze. Indeed, Rita may be unable to prevent Maureen ("Shut that flamin' gob, ar Maureen, or we'll lose ar bloody jobs!") from telling how Quikpiss and his nasty little compatriots rounded up all the real bears that made the woods famous and how he keeps them locked them up in the big compound west of the Castle. These two are among a very few who are let out to provide cheap labour. The rest are destined to be sold to rich wizards "fur magical wossname, familioors" or dungeon-builders. But "Big Sue", the delvers are given to understand, would "soon see to 'em" - if she could get out of the Compound... All Rita & Maureen know on this score is that the key to Compound may be in the Big Office, or NQJ might have it.

That's about it. (If the delvers don't meet Rita & Maureen here, they might find them clearing litter off the path into bin sacks later.)

Fluffy Red Riding Hood

As the customers round the bend, a red 'Kare Bear' skips down the path pursued by a big jerky grey wolf. "Oh help me, children, help me!" she cries. Any attempt to attack, or even touch, the wolf will result in it instantly falling down 'dead' - and then slowly disappearing. "Oh thank you, thank you!" cries Fluffy Red Riding Hood. "Let me reward you with one of my grandma's cookies." [Dishes out same.] "Wasn't that exciting? Are you the ones who are off to rescue Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine? Perhaps you could do a favour for me. When I was walking past Witch Hecate's house this morning, I heard her saying, 'I shall throw this away and then you shall never escape' - and then this key came flying out of the window! I can't imagine what it was all about, but just then the big bad wolf came chasing me, so I didn't have time to return the key. Perhaps you could take it back to Witch Hecate for me? It might be important. Thank you!" She gives them the big golden key and skips off into the woods - to press the torch pedal, mainly.

No SR is necessary now - the wolf was so obviously an illusion, and the knee-creasing so visible in FRRH's run that the delvers will suss at once what is amiss here (see Rita & Maureen stuff above).

Anybody eating one of the cookies, incidentally, will have their CHR increased by a D6. Yummy!

The Tired Wizard

Sitting on a stool with a view of the path where the Red-Riding-nonsense occurs is a weary hobbit wizard. He does the wolf illusion all day long. He will order delvers back to the path, but hasn't much authority about him. If (a knife is) pressed (to his throat), he may relate the same guff as Rita & Maureen. He can tell the delvers where the Big Office/Staff Hut is, but otherwise isn't much use and won't understand why the delvers are being so heavy-handed.

Magic Magpie's Nest

Fluffy Lilac Rosemary has tossed her ball so high that it has landed in the Magic Magpie's Nest. Oh please get it back for her.

The Magic Magpie explains that he can't get a grip on the ball with his claws (perhaps if he took his hands out of his costume...), so the customers will have to climb up and retrieve it. It's rather in his way so he'd be very grateful.

The tree is of course easy as pie to climb: delvers may fall off for 1D6 damage if they fail 3 min 5 rolls... The sturdy nest contains, along with the ball, a small bottle, numerous trinkets, shiny objects, small coins - and, curiously, a hip flask. The suspiciously hobbit-sized magpie hastily covers this last with twigs and coughs. "Er... Oh thank you for retrieving Fluffy Lilac Rosemary's ball. As a reward, perhaps you might like to take that small bottle. I think Witch Hecate brewed it up one day. As I flew past her window, I heard her say, 'Bah! All this one does is put you in a good mood! Who wants to be in a good mood!' Then she threw the bottle out onto the grass. Waste not, want not, thought I! I hope it will be of use to you. Goodbye and good luck." He is swigging from the hip flask (evidently his claws can handle that) even before the customers reach the ground.

Fluffy Lilac Rosemary thanks you for her ball and waits politely for you to fuck off.

Staff Hut

This is a large hut, maybe 40' x 18', with a half dozen windows on each side and two doors. One, at the north end, goes directly into the office (which takes up the northernmost 15'), where a handful of 'Kare Bears' and hobbits are chatting and doing paperwork. A connecting door leads into the 'common room', as does the other external door halfway down the east side. In here are 2D6 hobbits, Kare Bears and in-betweens: bears with their heads thrown back and chests unzipped, revealing the inner hobbit self. They are lounging around, playing nine-pins, munching sandwiches and so on. There will be at least two Witch Hecates (human) and two Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmines. Numerous bear suits hang on hooks on the office wall, along with a couple of human-sized Witch Hecate get-ups.

It is possible that a suitably camouflaged short delver could walk into the office and casually take the Compound key (one of several labelled keys hanging on a backboard - 2 in 3 chance it's there) - but a Yassa-Massa'd 'bear' (ie. hobbit) is a better bet. (In case the delvers consider it, Rita & Maureen are the last people who'd be allowed in here.) Appropriate LK SRs will be required, poss in combination with CHR if fast-talk is being attempted. None of the hobbits will be expecting hostilities, but this would give delvers an advantage only for one round - then numbers would prove nasty and NQJ would turn up. Each hobbit is approx MR 50, each human MR 60. (They all carry knives - never know what you'll meet in the woods. What if Big Sue got out?)

Witch Hecate's House

A small cottage with smoke curling from its chimney and ivy growing all over it. The door is at the south end, the chimney at the north, and on the east side, facing the customers are two windows. Through the southernmost, a cage can be seen hanging from the ceiling - inside is Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine! Oh horrors! Oh mercy us!

Through the other window, Witch Hecate, a tastefully ugly crone, can be seen to be brewing up. "Now then, Ugly Princess Yellow Earwax," she cackles, "I'll just stand my cup of tea on the window sill to cool while I pop out to water my pumpkins. Then it will be just right for me to drink as we wait to hear the sounds of your birthday party beginning at the Castle - without you!" She cackles some more and passes through the house, out the door and around the back, saying: "Here we go, watering the pumpkins."

FPYJ looks out of the window on the far side of the cottage, then turns to the customers: "Quick, children!" she says. "Have you come to help me? Thank you very much. Oh, but what can you do? If only Witch Hecate hadn't put a spell on me to stop me telling people how to rescue me! My golden ball could break that spell - if only I hadn't lost it! What's that you say? The frog found it for me? Oh, dear Mr Frog! Let me see it. There, now I can tell you what to do. Take the potion the Magic Magpie gave you and pour it in Witch Hecate's cup of tea! Hurry now, she's coming back!"

The Witch returns, swigs the tea and is instantly in a good mood (it's scripted, so it doesn't matter whether the potion was used or not - although it will have that effect). "Oh my!" she cries, quite contrite. "My poor little Kare Bear Princess! What have I done? It was wrong and very mean of me to lock you up so you'd miss your birthday party. I would let you out at once but I threw away the key!" [Cue.] "Oh! Some lovely children! And what's that? Fluffy Red Riding Hood found the key and gave it to you? Oh please let me have it!" Whereupon (if the customers don't follow that feedline with a TTYF - not a popular shift, the 'Hecate Boo') she unlocks the Princess. Everybody holds hands, reconciled, and all skip off to the Castle. Customers may keep their golden ball, as the Princess won't need it now that Witch Hecate has seen the error of her ways.

If the delvers have still not sussed this 'real bears' business, they may hear moaning from the west on their way to the Castle.

The Castle

The path splits into three, entering three separate courtyards for fast throughput. A buffet is available and a couple of dozen Kare Bears celebrate with Hurrahs, songs, dances, inane games and acrobatics. Some customers, especially those with kids, hang around for more grub when the next rescue shift arrives, which swells the numbers. Amongst the non-kid, non-bears, the atmosphere is one of relief rather than celebration - the queues drag the whole ordeal out to about three hours! Customers are given a big medallion, which proves they rescued the Fluffy Princess Yellow Jasmine. Actually wearing this subtracts three from CHR. The doorway at the back of each courtyard leads to a passage. The three join and a bottleneck queue waits for a chance at the elevator.

The Compound

A huge cage, rather like in Planet Of The Apes, holds upwards of a hundred real 'Kare Bears'. The biggest and meanest is Big Sue, who stands 12' tall at the shoulder and boasts an MR of 1000. "'Ey up," she says, noticing the delvers. If the delvers release them (with the key or by some other means - bearing in mind the iron bars are an inch thick and roof the cage too - there's even an embedded floor), Big Sue gives them a Bear Woods acorn each and advises them to make for the elevator - there's going to be trouble. Rampage ensues. The delvers may participate, but there is nothing to gain and everything to lose.

The acorn, when placed in the mouth, transforms the delver into a mighty bear for one combat round. Any clothes or armour worn at the time will be ruined, but the delver will have an MR of 10 x the total of his/her attributes! This can be done once per day.

Aftermath

If all this goes just so, when the delvers emerge from the fifth dungeon and return to Quikpiss's foyer, they will be greeted by Rita & Maureen, with many an 'owdo, and the reception area will look like a bomb's hit it. Quikpiss will be looking very sorry for himself, severely beaten up, with Big Sue's claws resting heavily on his shoulders, as he amends the door sign (see right)

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Updated 16/06/99 by Jason.